Thursday, January 29, 2009

Love

This is going to be a post that might warrant a little interaction. I am writing on what I believe love looks like between humans that leads to a marriage (not just friends) that works. This is written in such a way that it is most obviously not going to be agreed with by anyone, in part or in whole, take your pick. I believe that the way you come to know and nurture a relationship with your mate is completely up to the types of individuals involved. (Oh my gosh Useless Desires-Patty Griffin is amazing) Whatever the relationship though compassion needs to be at the center of it. I believe that is a key emotion/way of relating that Jesus had while on earth. A reoccurring theme in the gospels is that Jesus was moved by compassion to deal with a person or people. I believe that compassion needs to be central because it is closely tied to selflessness. Without these two a relationship has no hope. A selfish person has little hope of being satisfying to their mate. Love does not think about one's self.
A part of that is not needing an earthly relationship to supplement the one that we should have with the Father. A friend once told me they did not think they should be in a relationship until they could completely rely on God. I belive this fits my point very well. I also believe this is why the Bible says we should not be unequally yolked. When married the wife and husband become one, I believe that we are supposed to deepen each others relationship with God. To me a good relationship builds up our relationship with God along with our earthly relationship.
That is all I have for now. I know it is not that much, but I was thinking about how compassion and selflessness has helped my relationship.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Sinking to the bottom

I feel like I am sinking,
Wishing to feel the bottom,
And I keep on thinking,
Believing that its all a dream.

The bottom isn't clearer
But things would be much nearer.
Do you know how you would feel
If you gave it all but still..

I give and give and give and give,
Trying to grow and wanting to live
But I feel that I may never know
The sweet peace I long for so.

Knowing that I need to be free
Of that inferno I grew to hate
Chaos still has drawn me near
To the fire at an alarming rate.

The fire is oh so hot and bright
And it has burned for more than just this night.
This fire burns with a viscous grin,
Knowing that it will surely do me in.

But I am sinking so fast now.
I know I have to be so far down,
But then I realize that I know how to swim,
And suddenly Light reminds me of Him.

This Light leaves no trace of darkness,
It fills everything, including me.
It burns so bright the flames seem harmless
This Light moves right through me.

Now I know that I have touched the ground,
And things may not be all that sound.
But my Light has shown me a safe path
One that will keep me free from wrath.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I am not sure what you (the reader) write blogs geared towards your readers or mainly to write and share what you feel with people who may or may not care. I write because of the latter. As far as I can tell all of the people who consistently read my blog are not affected by my topic so if you want to stop reading you can. Will not hurt my feelings. Being ok with it just being me and God is a hard thing to do. I know I hit on this subject a little before, but I feel much more secure now and I hope to not just spray bullshit everywhere. I am not strictly talking about a romantic relationship, that is only a very small part of this topic. I am talking more along the lines of friendships. I have struggled to grow as a person so that I could mature my relationships. I think the area I struggle the most in as I grow is my need for people. I am willing to sit and wish that someone (who probably doesn't even really want to see me) will just call and want to do something. I know from my readings that God comes far before my earthly relationships. Noah spent over 100 years with no one but God and his immediate family, and then spent X amount of time with those same people repopulating the earth. Jesus spent 40 days away from everything in fasting and prayer. I can't spend one night in prayer with just me and him. I am searching the Bible in earnest for answers to why I am dependent on mortal man. I am not of this earth (Faith) and should act accordingly. I ask for prayer in seeking to put my relationship with God first. This may not have made alot of sense, but I have never been organized and it is a broad subject. My apologies if this is offensive or pathetic but they can not all be light and happy.

Monday, November 3, 2008

The most beautiful day

Every day. It really is. Every day really is as beautiful as the last. God's plan is perfect and therefore everything fits together perfect. No piece fits better than the rest. What in the world made me write about "the most beautiful day"? Because through my imperfect view of creation today was blissful! I felt reason to be alive! God's beauty is everywhere. I sat at the fountain and just stared at the sky. It is amazing what we have to be thankful for when we just take a moment to stop and breathe. We are to busy in this modern age. We have 50 things to do and none of them involve seeing what God has put around us. Now I know some of you will disagree with my statement that every day is as beautiful as the rest, but I implore you to analyze that statement. God has made this system so amazing that every part of nature benefits something. Things we take for granted keep other things we take for granted alive. Rain for instance, we complain that we have to walk in the bad weather, but trees thank God for sending them refreshment. If you have gotten this far into this post I commend you. I do not know if anyone else ever views creation like this, but I have been filled with Joy all day at the fact that I am a part of my Master's perfect plan. I challenge you to look to creation for inspiration about God today. I feel like I have had a conversation with my Creator today just by opening my eyes and TRULY seeing what was around me. God bless!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Faith

I have none. Well, almost. I had enough that when the chips were down and I was turning belly up I knew who to go to. I thank God for that. I have tried to swim upstream against my saviour for so long that I am exhausted spiritually. I finally was able to come to God completely helpless today and have a conversation with Him that was proper for the situation. It took me having nothing to concentrate on but my own failures to be able to see through the filth of this earth and see a little light, and that is what I did. My pastor has been talking about faith in Hebrews 11 and I felt God tugging at me to check it out. WHOA! My problems are nothing compared to some of those guys. Can any of us say that we have had to spend over 100 years building the thing that God was going to use to save this planet? Have any of us pleased God in such a way that He has lifted us out of this world and taken us home? I would like to encourage everyone in telling you to not get distressed by this world's troubles. They are not ours. What I love about Enoch is that he did not look at it as being taken away from his home and family. He looked at it as being taken home to his family. So I implore you to seek our home with Jesus and to keep that your focus. I ask for prayer right now as I struggle to have faith that my Lord will show favor on me and keep pointing me in the direction that my life has to go to show Him glory. I will be posting more as God speaks and moves in me and I encourage you to keep up with my posts and possibly even throw some encouragement my way.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Untitled

As you well know I am not near cool enough to be reading something insightful to share with you. Most of my posts will be me ranting when I feel I need to rant. I am in a depression right now. I may not seem like it to most, but I can stoop into the darkest states. For most likely everyone who might just read this dang thing I bet that is news. Right now I feel that everything in my life is disappointing me. My relationships with everybody, my job, my brother, my major even. I know that saying my relationships disappoint me kind of pokes all my friends right in the eye, and for that I apologize. I am not disappointed with my friends for the most part. I am disappointed with the way I handle my relationships. I am on the verge of just withdrawing from everybody and just dedicating myself to my work and being the worst person any of you know. I am almost ready to scrap life as I know it until I get to Pharmacy school in AU. Relationships are work and right now I feel that I am far to messed up to focus on nurturing others. I think that any happiness I derive out of life immediately gets shoved right out the door and I tell it to leave me alone. Even when I feel good lurking in he ack of my mind is the thought that it is all a sham. If you see me smiling do not believe it. Likely it is a passing moment of hope that will soon be bottled up.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Single=scary

I have a friend who once told me that he believed he could write a book about being single. First of all I think that he/she is crazy because you can't truly know what being single is until you have been in a longterm extremely serious relatoinship. Secondly, everybody has a longing for companionship. Maybe not marraige, but we all need deep relationships with others. This blog is about that first little point. If you have not figured this out yet my grammer is terrible and I do not care. Look past it please. This is extremely personal and I have to watch what I say, but I am having a terrible time with my personal life right now. Being single is a strange thing. I am not currently "officially" single, but i sure feel like it. I really shouldn't be putting this out there for ya'll, but it is kind of a big deal for me right now. Seems to me that being single is scary. There is no one that absolutely has to take care of you. That is terrifying to me. I am the kind of guy who finds it hard to devote alot of time to one person. I have done that with one person outside of my family, and it has been hard. It seems to me that being single means relying on one's friends. I have never felt comfortable with that. The sad thing is that it is all my fault. I have never been one to let friends know what was going on in my life and I have never had a close friend. The question that has floated around in my mind for the past week or so is "does being single scare everyone as much as it does me?" or "Am I just a damn pathetic friend for not feeling that I can rely on my friends?"